Today marks my 2 months living in Ukraine. If I knew 8 months ago that I would be backpacking and living in another foreign country, I wouldn’t have believed it. I still remember, like it was yesterday, leaving my house in London with only my backpack and looking back on my empty room – wondering if I was doing the right thing. It is so unreal but a very grounding experience, pushing myself to be a better person and learning new things about myself everyday, and to see where my family has come from. Appreciating the little things, like running water and power working, being able to order food in a shop, finding jobs and an apartment to live in, and learning that there is no point in complaining about the usual things you do at home – I am living a totally unspoilt life. It’s these days where I really look back on what I’ve done, and I am really proud of myself for pushing myself out of my comfort zone again and starting from the beginning. Words can’t even describe. I’m so lucky to have met so many great people that continue to encourage me to continue this journey.
I was reading an article earlier (I put below my rant), and I do feel like this may be something only other travelers will understand because they have lived through the fear I have. Some people don’t realise what you have given up in your ‘old life’ to go to a new place and they may not appreciate the hard work and emotions that are put into moving to a foreign country.
I think when I moved to London, the feeling of being alone and scared is nothing compared to how I felt here. At times I have felt useless- as well as alone. I don’t speak the language and at first I really thought I would have to rely on lots of people but in reality so many people speak English here and so many people want to get to know me and learn about my story. I feel so welcomed already. Even now after only a couple months I do feel like this girl in London was the distant past and I am a totally different person. Is this even possible in just 4 months?
Part of me is really wanting to go back to this life I had before because it’s easy, but another part of me is screaming – you left there for a reason – you want to grow as a person, this is what it takes! You may have these days where you feel like crying and giving up, but I have come this far now. I am doing the things I have always wanted to do but just too scared to do them. There are days where you don’t feel like doing something, you don’t want to socialise, you don’t want to go somewhere – travelling you have no option. You must push yourself to do everything otherwise you will live in another country with nothing. I don’t have anything in London to go back to, and my life in America was nearly 8 years ago, where my friends are now married with kids blah blah. So the only option for me now is just to continue going forward.. And when I get older, I want to look back on my life and know that I have no regrets.